Copyright © 2002 Ken Tangen.. All rights reserved
I love Orange County but am sad to report that it is less than honest with tourists. Things are not as they appear. In the spirit of truth in advertising, I shall attempt to set the record straight.
First, there are no oranges in Orange County. There are lots of cars, malls and Republicans but no oranges. To be honest, they should call it Used-To-Have-Oranges County.
Second, Orange County government is just like all the rest. When a celebrity like John Wayne opposed doubling the size of a small airport, they quadrupled the size and name the airport after him. There is even a statute of the actor to greet tourists as they arrive but check the expression next time you go by because John looks like his trying to say "Go home. It’s all a lie."
Third, the road signs lie. For example, to get to Hollywood from John Wayne’s Airport, you head east from the airport until you reach MacArthur Blvd. Now you have a choice. You can go north on the northbound boulevard but after a few blocks MacArthur turns and heads east-west.
Or head south on MacArthur until you reach the northbound lanes of the 73. Then, you go north on the northbound 73, which actually is heading northwest, turn south on the southbound 405, which actually is heading east at the time, turn north on the northbound 55, which actually heads northeast, until you get to the northbound 5. The northbound 5 goes northwest, west, northwest, north-northwest, north, west and northwest until it reaches the 10.
Now you go north on the 10, which oddly enough actually heads west, northwest, and north, turn north on the east-bound 110 until you reach the north 101, which goes northwest.
Now you have a choice. You can go north until you reach Sunset or west until you reach Sunset, and go northeast on the northbound boulevard until it heads east. Or simply stay going west on the westbound boulevard until it turns southwest.
Then it’s simply a matter of turning west, south or east until you get to the next intersection and turn left, right or go straight ahead, which isn’t really straight at all but winds around the straight angles in an odd-shaped manner. And you’re there. Nothing to it!
Of course you’ve got to get back, too. Now you have a choice. I prefer to take the 101 to the 110 to the 10, the 5, the 710 and follow it until I get to the 91, the 605, the 405, the 22, the 55 and the 73. But you might like taking the 134 to the 2, the 5, the 110, the 60, and the 605. Then, taking the 10 to the 210, which turns into the 57, following it on down to the 91, the 55, the 405 and the 73. But I think my way’s shorter.